I heard a great quote once that unfortunately I
completely forgot who said it; it went something like “the mind is a wonderful servant,
but it is a horrible master.” Who ever said that hit the nail right on the
fucking head.
What a sticky, tricky thing this mind is, most of us
don’t know how to use it, and so suffering is on its way my friends.
This is the reason we practice yoga, the goal is the
cessation of the fluctuations of the mind, or so I have heard in my Yoga Sutra
class but don’t claim to actually know what that’s means at all. Guruji famously
said practice, practice, practice, and shanti (peace) is coming.
The practice might consist of a billion lifetimes of
work but hey peace is coming right so that’s good. This is why we show up to
our mats every day or do our sadhana or whatever it is that you do. So that in
the next second or perhaps a billion years from now we may achieve SAT CHIT
ANANDA or Samadhi or CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS for my catholic brother and sisters
or really just my grandma, my Jesus loving psychotic grandmother.
So back to the peace that is coming if we go inwards
and do our work. I don’t know why I have faith in that notion but thank God I
do, that’s the grace I've been shown so far. Someone is looking out for me up
there and I am in gratitude. It almost feels like you take one step toward your
practice, God, Shiva whatever you want to call it and it takes three steps
towards you. You don’t have to do a single thing just show up every single day and
it’ll evolve, even if the work for you is as simple as lighting a candle or
smiling at a stranger every day, it doesn't have be a two hour long asana or
japa practice.
I feel in gratitude that although asleep in a dream most
of the time, being strung along by the senses and my mind, constantly getting
caught up in comparing and contrasting myself to others while trying to strike
the perfect pose, and worrying about what cute girls think of me. Even with all
the anxiety ridden thoughts, insecurities, lower nature tendencies, this never
ending loop of pleasure and pain, at least I see this for what it really is, a
mind trip and the most important part that I am NOT the mind.
You see this when you start to play with the mind
and go inward, it’s really interesting.
An asana practice or sitting meditation practice
will really reveal to you on an intimate level just how bat shit insane your
mind is. Then you’ll be terrified because you’’ll realize you've been living in
this your whole life. Metaphorically speaking, it’s like you have just accepted
a ride from an insane cab driver and its prime time traffic in Miami, you’re in Hialeah
on Le Jeune and Jose has a bumper sticking saying he is “El Caballo De A Tila” this
will not end good and so naturally we do our practice so our minds can be
transcended and so we can experience peace and have joy and love in our hearts
instead of always getting caught up in the mind trip or in the cab ride with Jose
and the extremes that come with it.
This is what I am after, peace and love. I believe it’ll
come from my Sadhana one day. I’m trying my best to be a sincere practitioner,
I don’t even know if I have a sincere heart yet or a courageous one at that to
be honest. Sometimes I’m scared I won’t be able to be strong enough to complete
the work or what if I quit and don’t follow the path and stay true to myself, but I've been surprising myself a lot lately and realize I am really strong inside
and I think I am going to be okay. I just want to be a good, honest, simple,
loving, and joyful man and my practice helps me to do that and so I do it,
every day.
